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Newport Independent - Newport, AR
  • The Guy’s Perspective: Am I too nice?

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  • I was just curious about the term ďnice.Ē Is it possible that girls can be too nice to actually be approached, or too nice to date and have a relationship with? Are nice girls only marriage material and not girlfriend material? I am 21 years old and a college senior. I was hoping that college would be a time for me to be more social, find friends, maybe even have a boyfriend. However, needless to say, I have never had a boyfriend, or even a guy friend. I am not quite sure why. I am not unattractive, I dress well, I have a wide range of interests, I enjoy a good conversation and Iíve traveled the world, yet I can be shy sometimes around guys. I recently met a guy at work who I kind of liked. He mentioned he liked pies, so I started baking some pies and pastries for him. But he never asked me out. Am I just meeting the wrong guys or is there something wrong with me?
    Alyssa
    Dear Alyssa,
    Thanks for your question.
    Being nice is a good thing. Itís certainly much better than the alternative. So I donít recommend some sort of rebellion against being nice. Stay the way you are. However, the term nice doesnít always mean nice. It can actually mean many different things depending on the context. In the dating context, if a guy says you are nice what heís really saying is he sees you as someone he could be friends with, but not necessarily someone heíd like to date. Pardon the pun, but itís a nice way of letting someone know theyíre not interested.
    But I still say donít change who you are. If you are nice, stay nice. The right kind of guy will appreciate that, you just havenít met him yet. (And yes, you are definitely girlfriend material.) But having said that, also, please donít go overboard. Letís take your pie baking for example. That seems a bit over the top. Almost too nice. Iíd suggest dialing that impulse back a little when you first meet someone because guys like a bit of a challenge, a chase. If you come on too strong and start doing things for them right away they might see you as a pushover, someone they can take advantage of. (Sounds like this is already happening a bit.) I would suggest you wait until youíre actually dating a guy before you start offering to ďhelpĒ him.
    Bottom line: You sound like a sweet person. Donít change. Donít let your frustrations make you bitter. Youíre meeting the wrong guys right now. Or, youíre looking for the wrong type of guy. Think about what you enjoy and look to meet guys who are doing those sorts of things, not guys who you just happen to work with. Also, see if your friends know some nice guys, maybe even your family. (Yes, your parents even. You might be surprised.)
    Page 2 of 2 - Good luck,
    Saelen
    Saelen Ghose is the head writer for The Guyís Perspective, a popular relationship blog and website. Over the course of his tenure he has responded to thousands of relationship questions, and while he hasnít solved every problem, he has provided a thoughtful perspective on every question received. If you have a relationship question of your own, please email tgpadvice@gmail.com. Saelen will do his best to answer your question. Please limit your question to 200 words or less. For more from The Guyís Perspective, visit www.theguysperspective.com.

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